In a scandal rocking the world of high finance and low comedy, Forbes magazine is facing explosive allegations that it abruptly terminated its beloved “Fictional 15” list not due to declining relevance, but as part of a clandestine pact to protect the fabricated reputation of New Jersey’s own superhero sans substance, Senator Cory Booker.

The Fictional 15, an annual ranking of the wealthiest fictional characters last published in 2013, was a cherished institution. It meticulously calculated the net worth of icons like Scrooge McDuck, Bruce Wayne, and Santa Claus. Then, it vanished. Poof. Gone without explanation.

Coincidence? A mere scheduling conflict? Top conspiracy theorists at this publication think not.

Senator Cory Booker, his imaginary friend T-Bone, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, with his ethereal bellwether GOP couple, Joe & Eileen Bailey. 

For the eagle-eyed observer, the timeline is more suspicious than a sudden infusion of Pharma cash into a senator’s campaign fund. The last Fictional 15 was published in 2013. What else happened in 2013? Cory Booker, a man whose entire political brand is built on the fictional narrative of a progressive street hero, was elected to the United States Senate.

Insiders suggest Forbes faced an impossible dilemma. How could they continue to publish a list of pretend billionaires when a real-life, walking, talking fictional character was suddenly accruing actual power in Washington? The cognitive dissonance was simply too great.

Cory’s imaginary friend T-Bone said, “Man, I remember when Cory used to practice his acceptance speeches in the mirror with me. He’d say, ‘T-Bone, one day I’m gonna be richer than Richie Rich and more famous than Superman.’ I guess he found a way!”

“The math wasn’t mathing,” said a source, who requested anonymity for fear of being invited to one of Booker’s weird vegan BBQ rallies, explained. “How do you list Richie Rich’s estimated $12.8 billion fortune while ignoring the priceless political capital of a man who has mastered the art of saying everything and doing nothing? It became ethically untenable.”

“Cory used to say, ‘T-Bone, it’s not about the money—it’s about the narrative equity.’ I still don’t know what that means, but it sounds expensive,” said the imaginary street thug. “2013 was a big year! Cory finally outgrew me. Said he ‘needed more scalable imaginary allies.’ I think he meant donors.” 

 “I offered to help him vote a few times—I’m imaginary, I got the time! But he said the cloakroom has a ‘no imaginary friends unless they’re registered lobbyists’ policy. Bummer,” said T-Bone: “He used to keep me around for the laughs. Now he’s got whole subcommittees. I get it. Growth.”

The evidence of Booker’s fictional wealth—not in dollars, but in actual results—is staggering. Since his fateful election:

🚺 Women lost abortion rights. A true champion would have filibustered to a standstill. Instead, we got a strongly-worded tweet.

✊🏿 The Voting Rights Act was gutted. But did you see him sing a hymn at a hearing? Very moving, but not productive.

🔫 Mass shootings tripled. Thoughts and prayers are his preferred legislative tool.

🌎 Atmospheric CO₂ hit 427 ppm. The planet is burning, but his performative posturing is matched only by his passion for green smoothies.

📉 NJ's middle class shrank 3%. But the market for performative outrage is booming!

💰 $37 trillion was stolen from workers. A heist so big that it would make Scrooge McDuck blush.

📉 He missed 413 votes (9.7%). Even Santa shows up to work one night a year.

✡️ Pro-Israel Lobby Total: $871,563. Contributions are the only numbers that seem to get Booker’s real attention.

“Forbes simply couldn’t compete,” our source continued. “Booker’s fictional narrative—the ‘Spartacus’ moment, the ‘I am the Senate’ energy without any of the actual power-wielding—is the greatest work of fiction ever sold to the American public. It made Richie Rich’s vault look like a child’s piggy bank. They had to retire the list out of respect. He’d won.”

Forbes has yet to comment on the allegations, presumably because its editors are too busy calculating the net worth of Tony Stark’s latest Iron Man suit or the economic impact of the Gotham City crime wave.

One thing is clear: in the annals of make-believe, Cory Booker’s record is unparalleled. He’s the only man who can simultaneously be a progressive hero and a corporate darling, a man of the people who lives in the pocket of big money, a champion of change who presides over a decade of decay.

He didn’t just make the Fictional 15. He became it. And Forbes, in awe, had no choice but to concede defeat.

“Hey, if they bring the list back, do you think I qualify? My net worth is pure potential. Just like Cory’s legacy,” said T-Bone.